The girl in the mirror learns the most important lesson in one of her darkest hour.

I surrender my image for the image of Christ.

   For years I have enjoyed walking.  My first apartment and job were only approximately a mile apart.  I was a lonely young woman and still in my heart desired family.  As I walked to and from work, to my tinny studio apartment, I found myself looking in the windows of homes.  I especially liked the evening dusk walk, as curtains were open and you had views into the homes.  My mind would imagine details of the families in these homes.  At that young age in life I assumed a nice home, that was clean with beautiful furniture equaled a loving family.  Some thirty five years later I still like to look in windows and wonder about the families.    I often catch myself as I assume, imagine and judge a house by its cover.  The reality is we know nothing about the heart of the home or the people inside.

   I don’t know if you ever get visual pictures?  I do.  Today I saw myself at a home.  As I stood at the door and began to knock I peered into the home only to see my self reflect in a mirror on the entry way.  There I stood.  I looked well groomed, hair in place and my usual best appearance.  If I were to look a little harder reflected in the mirror would be a middle age woman behind a mask, hiding her heart. I put on an appearance, hoping who ever would answer the door would accept me.

   Years ago I suffered a severe depression. I believe it was due to years of longing to be perfect and desiring to be loved and accepted.  I worked so hard at being perfect enough to be loved.  You may or not be aware how exhausting it is every day to put on a that mask.  It is physically and mentally demanding on ones soul. I became suicidal.  I believed I would never measure up, be good enough and who would love me?

   I ended up in a clinic (a Christ centered Minereth Myer Clinic) that brought me back to health.  I tell you this because I will never forget one of the most important lessons of my life I received at this dark time. As I looked around at the patients and heard their stories I profoundly recognized these strangers.  They were just like me.  A room filled with people filled with grief, guilt, shame, pain, longing and crimes against themselves, crimes against others: SIN. Some were contemplating killing themselves, some contemplating evil on others that had hurt them. I became intensely aware that “there but for the grace of God”.  I am capable of evil. I too had hate in my heart and really wanted someone dead because they had so hurt me!  I am broken, hurting, longing for love and acceptance, imperfect without Christ.

   You may wonder where this all takes me today.  I have been struggling with a hurt that has been caused by a family member.  Honestly, I felt like walking away from this negative, demanding, toxic, controlling and evil person who obviously needs Christ in their life. I should tell them how wrong they are! How mean they are and how hurtful they are.   Then I remembered to look a little deeper in the mirror.

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Romans 3:23

 

Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own?

Matthew 7:4

   I don’t know all the answers.  I do know sometimes we do need boundaries with people.  However if we really want to “be Christ to a broken world” we must understand we are all the same.  Before I can share God’s love to a hurting, suffering person I must first surrender my deception of the woman in the mirror.  I am human, broken and a sinner who has been saved by grace.  Then we can offer to others what we have received from Christ:  New beginning, forgiveness, grace and mercy, acceptance and beauty for ashes.   

  We live in a hurting world with angry, mean, hurting people that need to experience the love and grace of God.

 I don’t’ know what goes on in others homes or hearts.  What I really need to be concerned with is the real woman in the mirror that grace for me is new every morning.

I surrender my false image and Lord I want my mirror to reflect your grace and compassion.

Bless the Lord Oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits.

Psalm 103