I SURRENDER RESOLUTIONS

 I CHOOSE A WORD

 AND A WORK

FOR HIM TO DO 

IN MY HEART THIS YEAR

As another year comes to a close I do what most people do; take time to reflect, review and plan. 

I am not one to make “Resolutions”.  Long ago I realized that within a few days of declaring my promises, pledges and declarations that I had lost the fight, failed the vow and threw in the towel.  So now I make no resolutions.  I have need of only one thing. To Love the Lord my God with all my heart.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart,

all your soul, and all your strength.

Deuteronomy 6: 5

   I want to tell you about my reflection of all that God has done for me this year.  Like some of my friends I spent most of the month of November in Thanksgiving.  Everyday I took opportunity to speak thankfulness for blessings in my life!  Wow was that a great exercise and something I want to incorporate every day into my life.  I have learned that even on the grayest day there is always something to be thankful for!

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,

 and keep the vows you made to the Most High. 

Then call on me when you are in trouble,

 and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.

Psalm 50:14-15

I have learned two of the most precious lessons this year; the sacrifice of Praise to God and keeping my vows I have made to Him.  I have seen him honor my sacrifice of praise and rescue me time and time again.  He is so amazingly faithful.  I would be lost without Him and I desperately need Him every day.  I am in awe of all He has done this year in my life and I open my heart and arms wide for more!

   Somewhere in the middle of this last year I realized I had made progress on an issue I had been battling all my life (MY CONTROLLING HEART). Oh how I hated and loathed that word.  When anyone tried to tell me I was controlling I was so incredibly hurt.  I did not think I was controlling.  I thought it was love.  

   I learned at an early age some very unhealthy responses to my world.  With my fathers drinking, as a child I wanted to make my world happy and everyone in it happy.  Somehow, as it happens with children of Alcoholics, you begin to take on responsibility to “fix it”.  I became to believe that it was my job to make everyone happy and take care of everyone.  I carried, oh let’s be honest and say I carry that need into this very day.  I often find it necessary to control my environment.  This involves “sharing” my ideas and concerns, trying to make everyone and everything ok. I even "help" or tell people plan how to accomplish change!  Perfectionism comes with the territory of children of alcoholics. My poor children and husband have had to live with this. You can probably only imagine how the disease of Alcoholism has affected and infected my life and those around me.  It truly is a disease that affects the whole family for generations.   

   I have in my blog the past few months often shared openly regarding Addiction.  I have a deep heart belief we are only as sick as our secrets.  If we are willing to be vulnerable and share our realness, then we can encourage one another and work toward healing. It is with honesty, non judgment, love, kindness and most importantly with our Great Savior that healing and wholeness take place. You see I believe one of the biggest faults of the Christian community or the church is that we pretend to be perfect.  That is why we are so often called hypocrites. Let’s be honest and hold each other up in prayer and encouragement. That is when Jesus gets the glory for the work He is doing! That is the whole reason I started my blog. This is my great adventure of what God will do in my life as I continue to SURRENDER ALL.   

  Back to my work; Controlling. I find I am letting go, keeping my mouth shut more often, looking up to Him, instead of looking to fix it.  With my new found growth and improvement, not perfection, I am encouraged to go the next step; you know amplify, intensify and strengthen. I am all about NOT wanting to stay the same. I desire to grow, change and become more like the women Christ wants me to be. 

OH LORD

IT IS MY PRAYER

YOU CONTINUE TO DO A WORK IN ME.

I ONLY WANT YOU TO BE IN CONTROL.

   I am reminded there is no need to work for God’s acceptance.  There is only one work he wants from me.

Jesus told them,

 “This is the only work God wants from you;

 Believe in the one he has sent.”

John 6:29

Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important; Love your neighbor as yourself.  The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments”.

Matthew 22:37-40

   In my time of prayer, thanksgiving, reflection and preparation for the New Year I recognize how God has begun this work in my life.  It is as if God said, “Your word of the year in 2012 was CONTROL.  This year, I want to do a work in your heart and the word is NARCISSISM”.  Oh no GOD!  This word I hate too, Narcissism, meaning undue dwelling on self.  I can’t believe I am telling you this.  Once again, I confess my ugly human nature.  Narcissism goes hand in hand really with Control. So I am not surprised that God is lovingly prodding me to change.

   When I was a child I became frightened when my father drank.  I often thought that it somehow was my fault.  When you grow up thinking that way you become obsesses that it is all about you.  It is your fault, if only you were different, tried harder, if you would be more perfect, if you..you you. You become paranoid that people are talking about you, thinking, judging you.

THIS IS MY NEW TRUTH;

I am not that important and not everything is about me.

SO MY WORD AND WORK FOR THE NEW YEAR IS NARCISSISM.

 Great…fun…I am now being sarcastic. 

 Oh yes Lord, I do want your guidance and healing in my heart this year.  I am so eternally thankful you do not leave me the same, that you are not finished with me yet! 

I SAY YES LORD

 

Before the clock strikes midnight

And a New Year begins

Be challenged.

Do not make a resolution.

Have God give you a word.

A Word and a work,

 that only God can do in your life this year.

He is more than able to accomplish that work.

O my people, trust in Him at all times.

 Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:8

SAY YES TO HIS WORD!

WELCOME 2013! 

I Surrender My Foggy Vision

 For Eyes That See His Miraculous Works!

BREATH OF HEAVEN

   I woke up this morning in a fog.  I thought maybe the holiday sugar consumption had now gone into withdrawals.  I hadn’t had my coffee yet and had actually considered giving up coffee or should I say the cream that I dump into it. My brain screamed I want I want!  Normally I try to grab my coffee, my bible and then head to a quiet place to begin my day in prayer.  This morning I felt; cloudy, distant and confused. 

   The previous weeks have been a rollercoaster.  I had to great extent, tried to stay focused on the celebration of my savior and my relationship with Him. Yet, with entertaining, cooking, shopping, and holiday get together’s, I was feeling spiritually depleted. I couldn't feel his presence.

   God had not moved.  He was still right here beside me.  I am the one who has moved away from Him in business.  In that, I lost the awareness that he was so close, I could feel HIS BREATH.  Oh how I love to feel him that close.  At this moment I desire to see a miracle from God.  It is when I see Him accomplishing something beyond man's abilities and power that my faith is built.  I am thankful for the word that has accounts of miracle after miracle. 

I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus.

  I will give them fountains of water in the valleys.  I will fill the desert with pools of water.  Rivers fed by springs will flow across the parched ground.  I will plant trees in the barren desert- cedar, acacia, myrtle, olive, cypress, fir and pine.  I am doing this so all who see this miracle will understand what it means- that it is the Lord who has done this, the Holy one of Israel who created it.

Isaiah 41:18-20

   Earlier in the week a friend and I were talking about all the miracles recorded in the Bible.  Have you ever spent time in your Bible study notes under miracles!  That is our God! He preformed miracles so that men might know the power of the Lord.  This friend asked, “Why do we not see those kinds of miracles today”?  My response was, “Let’s pray that God shows us the every day miracles in our lives.

   It is the simple miracles that can touch our hearts and build our faith.  The miracles don’t need to be huge to see that God is right by my side breathing his life, love, provision and protection into my being.

   I was reminded yesterday I felt impressed to pray for a friend.  After prayer I sensed a nudging to just pick up the phone and call this friend. A strange man answered the phone and said, “Oh you called just in time, hold on”.  As my friend answered the phone she told me how she was just to leave her son’s home and was traveling some two hours.  She had just about left her phone.  If I would have not called, and the phone rang, she would have had to travel back, lost time and money that she did not have.  It was such a little thing but a huge thing. 

   God cares about the details in our lives and waits for us to SEE HIM in them.  He shows himself daily in the little and big miracles in our lives.  If we QUIET OURSELVES, ASK TO SEE HIM AND WATCH.  

Then Jesus told him,
“You believe because you have seen me.

 Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.”

The disciples saw Jesus do many other miraculous signs in addition to the ones recorded in this book.  But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing in him you will have life by the power of his name.

John 20:29-31

I can choose to spend my day in a cloud or I can choose to PRAY FOR EYES TO SEE HIM AND HIS MIRACULOUS DAILY WORKS.  When I see His works my faith is built and I once again feel his loving breath right beside me.

  NOTHING IN LIFE IS MORE PRECIOUSE THAN

 HIS BREATH OF LOVE ON A CLOUDY DAY!

For since the world began,

 No ear has heard

and no eye has seen a God like you,

 who works for those who wait for him!

Isaiah 64:4

Then He breathed on them and said,
"Receive the Holy Spirit".
John 20:22

SURRENDERING MY EMPTINESS FOR DEPENDENCE

   I awake this morning with such a feeling of BARRENNESS; 

 inhospitable  deserted, unfruitful, bleakness, emptiness.

   I know there are people in the world that are going through such devastation.  As tears and prayers flow for those of Sandy Hook Elementary School. I know you are with me as we think of their grief. 

   Every where I look around today I see hurting people.  The homeless on the street corner, the addict in front of the meeting center, the women and children at the homeless shelter.  There is so much pain in the world.  Christmas takes no holiday from personal struggle, pain and grief.

   I feel guilty as I struggle with my own grief. Personal grief is real.  No matter how much tell yourself, “at least you did not loose a loved one in a horrible day of senseless shooting”; our personal grief is real and painful to us.  Yes, sometimes we can strengthen our gratitude with the realization that someone else has it for worse. There are also seasons of FACING YOUR GRIEF.  By facing the emptiness, crying out in DEPENDENCE, you begin being filled with HIS fullness.

   All weekend long I was surrounded by my husband’s family.  At one count there were 9 family members around the table. I was busy with food preparations, cleaning up dishes, making coffee, making more coffee. My husband I have been married a short five years.  As I listen to conversations around the table I begin to feel like an outsider.  Most conversations are in remembrances of times before me. All wonderful people, and yet I begin to feel alone and empty and soon become inhospitable. Now I am hurt and embarrassed about my harsh, uncongenial attitude. I was so ugly human in the middle of my emptiness.  I was filled with anxiety, poor attitude, critical spirit and anger.  What I really wanted and longed for was my family!  

   My family, my children, are scattered in other locations.  Every year when you hear that holiday song that says, “Next year all our troubles will be far away”, I think; that is what you sang last year and the year before.  This holiday season, like so many over the past five years I will not be able to see them. I have lengthy painful stories that go with the loneliness.  I have a granddaughter that I have never been able to hug, a son-in-law that I want to get to know, another daughter and new baby I want to scoop up and protect from a bad relationship.  Life hurts.  Christmas hurts. I know I am not alone.

The world screams GATHER AROUND THE TABLE, FAMILY, and TOGETHERNESS.

I am reminded today of once again the one and only reason for the season.

For God said, “Let there be light in the darkness

has made his light shine in our hearts

 so we could know the glory of God

 that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:6

  There is no doubt my gratefulness for the baby that was born!  So when I feel such EMPTINESS, I must reach out for DEPENDENCE.

IT IS A PERFECT DAY TO DEPEND ON HIM!

It is one of those days when it is ok to cry and say, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS PLEASE HELP. I UNDERSTAND MY TOTAL DEPENDENCE IS ON YOU.

   He never promised life or Christmas would be pain free, joyful, and without trials. He did promise He would walk with, comfort and strengthen us in the midst of our sorrows.

  

And in Him you have been made complete

Colossians 2:10

   I long for HIS presence in dark times of adversity. My Hope is in heaven and His promises.  This is our temporary home.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.  “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Matthew 5:3-8

I know that JOY and PEACE can be found in the midst of our grief and sorrow.  I find it when I have total  DEPENDENCE on HIM.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on thee;

because he trusteth  thee.

Isaiah 26:3

When doubts filled my mind,

 your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

Psalm 94:19

There is no sin in feeling empty, discouraged, and inhospitable, lonely and blue during the Christmas season.  We live in a hurting fallen world.  But I take GREAT JOY knowing I can DEPEND on my Savior to comfort my pain and grief and teach me through my human sinful behavior. 

Without my DEPENDENCE on him there would be no HOPE.  

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord!

Psalms 150:6

SURRENDERING THE MEANINGLESS 

AND TAKING IN THE MEANING

IT TAKES MY BREATH AWAY!

I have to admit that a few years back the saying, “REASON FOR THE SEASON” developed in to an overdone badge to me.  We all know the reason for the season.  So, I find it humorous today that I actually am going to use the phrase!

   Today I am rushing around trying to get ready for all the holiday festivities and family.  I am doing five things all at the same time! Baking bread, cutting out a stocking for my new grandson, refreshing greens, laundry, and getting a pot roast in the crock pot! When I find myself grumpy at my husband and saying, “it is such a man’s holiday”, then I know I am out of focus….well really though, what do they do…eat all the cookies, drink the eggnog and watch as you put the tree up!

    The planning and provisions are things I want to be doing.  I of course want the home to be ready for guests.  Hospitality is one of my gifs and I take enjoyment in preparations.  However today….my heart just wants to sit, worship and hear from God…and not feel like a fanatical woman. 

   Every year as a woman I am attending to the hectic preparations.  Every year I ask myself, how I can do this a little different?  How can I keep the spotlight on the center of the meaning of the season, and still enjoy my holiday prep without going berserk!

   All becomes to feel hollow and empty, and the joy is irrelevant, if my heart focus is on the details and not the REASON FOR THE SEASON.

   So this morning, I forced myself to set everything aside and sit, focus on my Savior, because everything else is really MEANINGLESS!    

The Futility of all Endeavors

“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher, “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.”

What advantage does man have in all his work which he does under the sun?  A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.  Also the sun rises and the sun sets; and hastening to its place it rises there again.

Ecclesiastes 1: 1-5

All things are wearisome

Ecclesiastes 1:8

  To instill meaning into my day and into this season, I must begin my day in alone time, relationship with my Savior.  Otherwise I am a crazy woman running around trying to make purpose out of the MEANINGLESS! 

After alone time with Him I sense a new fresh wave of peace and then everything seems to fall into place.

   This morning I am so grateful to God, who sent his only Son into the world.  He suffered all the temptations we suffer and yet was without sin. He died a painful death that he did not deserve, so we could be washed whiter than snow, free from sin.  This is the birth of the amazing grace story wrapped in a package of a baby!  So we could live with HIM in eternity.  I am amazed afresh at the Christmas story.  How God orchestrated the REASON FOR THE SEASON…and it was all for you and for me! The birth of this baby is the salvation story.  The good news was born!

And she gave birth to her first born son;

 and she wrapped Him in cloths,

 and laid Him in a manger, 

because there was no room for them in the inn.

Luke 2:7

And you my little son, will be called the prophet of the Most High,

 because you will tell his people how to find salvation 

through forgiveness of their sins. 

Because of God’s tender mercy

Luke 1:76-77

IT TAKES MY BREATH AWAY AND ALL ELSE SEEMS VAIN!

   All the rushing, presents, baking, decorating, all is VANITY.  Without HIM at the forefront of our hearts and minds, all else is vanity. As the world shouts; shop, spend, eat, drink and be merry; I put the breaks on!

THE SPOTLIGHT HITS THE ORCHESTRA

I DROP TO MY KNEES IN AWE AND AMAZEMENT,

I LISTEN TO A HEAVENLY ORCHESTRA,

I HEAR THE HARP, THE TRUMPETS, AND SINGING ANGELS.

I SING ALONG!

A KING IS BORN,

A KING IS BORN,

MY SAVIOR IS BORN.

MY BREATH IS TAKEN AWAY,

BEAUTY BEYOND WORDS

THE GIFT,

I AM IN AWE.

ALL ELSE IS VANITY

 “I have seen your salvation,

 which you have prepared for all people.

 He is a light to reveal God to the nations,

 and he is the glory of your people Israel!”

Luke 2:30-32

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men!

SURRENDERING IN MY PRAYER POSTURE

   I have been having this impression to Pray on my knees;  KNEELING.  If you have been reading my blog or know me, you are aware I don’t sit still very well. I am on the go, busy, things to do!  It is not that I am against praying on my knees.  I honestly believe God hears the prayers of His people where ever and when ever we pray.  I do pray first thing in the morning and throughout the day; in the shower, car, and kitchen or on a walk.  However, I kept getting this impression to GET ON MY KNEES!

O come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our maker.  For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.  Today if ye hear his voice, harden not your heart.

Psalms 95: 6-7

   So, I tried it. I got on my knees.  Well, it’s not like I have never prayed on my knees.  I just didn't understand why god impressing me to spend some time on my knees.  Honestly, I thought if God was asking me to do this, I thought there would be some great revelation in my life.  Nothing, nothing happened. So, I didn't stay in this position very long!  And yet daily I would still feel that sense that God wanted me to be on my knees.  

   I suppose I am childlike and embarrassed to tell you I continue in my life to ask God why?  I didn't hear the answer to my why, I just had a continual prodding to GET ON MY KNEES.

Jesus said, “When you pray, go away by yourself,

 shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private.

  Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”

Matthew 6:6

   So this morning I went again by myself, shut the door behind me, in my private and quiet place, I got on my knees.  Immediately as I quieted myself, wasn't in a hurry, and waited before God, tears began to flow!

Be still and know that I am God:

I will be exalted among the heathen,

 I will be exalted in the hearth

Psalms 46:10

   There had been years in my life when I was unable to pray.  Really for years!  I still believed there was a God, He worked in others lives, and He listened to their prayers.  I lost all confidence in how to pray and if he really listened to my prayers.

So then,

 since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven,

 Jesus the Son of God,

 let us hold firmly to what we believe.

 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses,

 for he faced all of the same testing’s we do, yet he did not sin.

  So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. 

There we will receive his mercy,

 and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Hebrews 4:14-16

There was no secret motive for God to BRING ME TO MY KNEES.

It was a renewal time for me of what prayer is.

A NEEDED TIME OF SUBMISSION,

 HUMILITY, RESPECT, REVERENCE,

A TIME OF PETITION, AND CRYING OUT IN DESPERATION

 A TIME OF WORSHIP AND ADORATION BEFORE MY GOD.

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father 

who nudged me to change my posture

 so that He could bless me!

He touched me with his presence as I quieted myself in posture before Him.

 

I was blessed with my time on my knees.

I am continually in awe,

Wonder, admiration and amazement

 of my Savior who brings me to my knees!

Not every day needs to be a knee day...but ...WHAT IS YOUR POSTURE TODAY?

I SURRNEDER

 MY PRISON MENTALITY

 FOR FREEDOM

When I was a young girl my mother accused me of stealing a pair of her earrings.  I knew that I was innocent, in actual fact I was aware of who really did pocket the “costume jewels”.  I make the point that they were of little expense because that only exaggerated the sting of the punishment.  I was sentenced to the dishes for a month and grounded for a month!  All for something I did not do and they were cheep! Have you ever had to debate your innocents with someone who did not believe you?  To this day, it is a memory that brings feelings of frustration in my stomach. Judged guilty and handed a punishment for a crime you did not commit. Thrown in the jail, the door slammed.

   Then... there is true guilty! I am a sinner.  Ok, we all are born sinners.  Really though I am a sinner!  I have a list of offenses.  On any given day moments of grief will come over me about past sin and the consequences.  These are very real debilitating moments that will rob my performance and joy.  I am attacked with thoughts of my transgressions and my guilt.

   Satan is the master of finger pointing and accusations.  He wants to convince us that we belong in a jail; that we are guilty prisoners forever. He wants to lock us up for more than a month!

LET'S NOT FORGET THE GOOD NEWS!

The morning paper reads;

THE CELL DOORS ARE WIDE OPEN!

YOU ARE FREE.  FOUND NOT GUILTY!

PARDONED!

Exoneration, Mercy, Pardon, Forgiveness; that is why Jesus came!

  HE WILL NEVER RESIST FREEING A REPENTANT SINNER!

When we draw near to God in genuine repentance, taking full blame for our sins, the prison doors open wide and we are free.  Why would we sit in the prison with the door wide open? Are we crazy!  Get up and move! Why would you want to take the sentence of guilty …when you are not?  WE have been issued a lifetime of PARDON.

If I am reluctant to accept forgiveness (LEAVE THE JAIL) I am saying Christ didn't do his job!!

 

The Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins.

Luke 5:24

  

Everyone who believes in Him

 Will have their sins forgiven through his name.

Acts 10:43

   I have no doubt I can’t adequately express today my heart regarding the Awesomeness of GRACE, MERCY, FREEDOM AND FORGIVENESS that I have given as his daughter. 

   What I do want to communicate is the need to BE ALERT TO FIGHT THE ENEMY WHO WANTS YOU TO STAY IN JAIL! I own my sin, I confess my sin and I am covered.

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.  I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”

And you forgave me!  All my guilt is gone.

Psalms 32:5

   

Lord, you have heard my cry for mercy; You, the Lord, accepts my prayer.

Psalms 6:9

Thank You LORD!  I am fully forgiven,

Fully exempt, fully loved,

Fully yours forever!

I AM RIGHTEOUS

What is exciting to me today as I LEAVE THE JAIL- I can hold my head high!  We can throw our shoulders back and stand up strait because we are INNOCENT.  Free of guilt.  WE CAN CELEBRATE LIFE AND FREEDOM

 BECAUSE I AM FORGIVEN BY GOD!

So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Psalm 32:11

 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it; “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”-and I am the worst of them all.  But God has mercy on me so that Chris Jesus could use me as a prime example of His great patience with even the worst of sinners.  Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in Him and receive eternal life.  All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:15-17

I am writing to you who are God’s children because your sins have been forgiven through Jesus.

1 John 2:12

THE JAIL DOOR IS OPEN

Yes what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of sin.

Romans 4:8

   

I SURRENDER 

MY WILD DRIVING
AND  

ACCEPT

 THE CAUTION SIGNS

I  LEARN TO NAVIGATE WITH THE ROAD MAP

   Monday morning usually I sit with my coffee and make a list of all things to tackle. Not a bad thing, if you know the course, destination and if you are even suppose to be on this journey.  Now I realize that I have been traveling through life without a ROAD MAP!

When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.

Proverbs 29:18

   

   I must admit that I am a little (self diagnosed) ADD (Attention Deficit).  I usually have one speed and rarely sit. There are things to do!  When I see a need I just want to get it done!  GREEN LIGHT FULL SPEED!  Not even asking; where will I end up, how do I get to my destination, do I turn left or right.  It is full throttle strait ahead!

   As you know lately I have been more diligent to slow down, ask what to do and wait for direction.   This is new territory for me. CAUTION SIGNS!  What are those?

   I have been looking for work.  I have never had a hard time getting work.  I get jobs very easy.  Those who know me are aware I have done just about every kind of work from waitress, flight attendant, dental assistant to retail.  I get jobs and then six months later; board (the ADD thing).  Now as I look for work I keep getting this CAUTION SIGN. God is telling me to wait; don’t just take anything, WAIT.   I do want to settle down.  Honestly I am a little embarrassed by my résumé and lack of long term work. I would really like a job I stick with.  I tell you this because this morning I struggle with; I should just go get a job! I want to GO- GREEN LIGHT full speed.  I am board.  In Prayer I am told be still and wait; CAUTION.

   This is not the only area of my life God has told me to sit quiet, pray, be still, listen and wait.  This is different than a GREEN LIGHT or even a STOP SIGN.  It is a WAIT.  WAIT FOR THE ROAD MAP, course direct and ending target.  This is not easy for me.

   Weather it be a job, a problem I want to solve, a project I want to accomplish, an idea, or something I am perplexed about to do or not to do, I have been told to wait for direction.  I am learning to receive GUIDANCE FROM THE GUIDE before I even start the journey.  Here is the thought; am I even suppose to be on the road, or going to the desired destination?  The CAUTION is to wait for GODS DIRECTION. 

Show me the right path O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.

Psalms 25:4

   I hope this makes sense to you in your life today.  As we plan for events, try to speak logic into family problems, know how to minister, help and encourage; MY FIRST step is CAUTION go to PRAYER and wait for direction.  It is far too easy for me to spring into action without even knowing the destination and if I should even be on the journey. 

   Sometimes I will even wake up in the middle of the night with ideas and plans.  My mind is constantly running.  Just because everything seems like a good idea doesn't mean I am suppose to do it.  

   Yes, this is a new direction and course for me; Waiting on my Savior for the GREEN LIGHT.  While I YIELD I pour my heart and mind into the best road map HIS WORD for guidance.

I AM LEARNING TO SURRENDER MY WILD DRIVING THROUGH LIFE

AND TREASURE THE CAUTION SIGNS.

 HE DIRECTS MY STEPS.

I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me.

Psalms 16:7

SURRENDERING MY

 “FIX-IT JOB”

 FOR UNEMPLOYMENT

Every day I check the employment adds to see if anyone is hiring.  Today was no different.  I would really like a job.  I could financially really use a job!  I saw nothing and felt frustrated.  Then, once again I was reminded by God that I should embrace this quiet time and use it.  He reminded me of spending time with HIM in word, prayer and journal(my blog). He reminded me to TRUST HIM.  Then, something happened that packaged my thoughts for today’s blog!  I love it how God uses situations in our lives to tie it all together.

   I am a fixer.  If there was a job as a FIXER I would be a millionaire!  Job description; Mend and repair, patch up and glue. Well you are right, there are repair men.  That is not the fix- it job I am taking about. I have this strong compulsion to fix everyone’s (mostly adult children’s) problems.  I get busy thinking, solving and even springing into action!  DOING what needs to be done.  I physically get anxious inside.  I feel like I have a deadline to accomplish a project! I need to fix the problems and the people!

   As I write this I hear myself and I see your eyes rolling.  I know!  It is controlling, interfering, taking over. BUT SOMEONE SHOULD FIX THIS! Sometimes I wonder if it is in their ability to fix it and they must need my help! Ok I see your eyes roll again!

   My daughter is in a difficult place in life.  Jobless, without a car, money, direction and I am sure feels a little hopeless and overwhelmed.  So today I wanted to FIX IT! She did not appreciate my “encouragement, ideas, and direction”.  She became grumpy and I became hurt because look I am just trying to help you know…FIX IT!

   As I took her home I wanted to go into a speech of how I was trying to help and she should not be grumpy with me; the one who is trying to help her!  THEN IT HIT ME; WITTY!  WHAT IS THAT TO YOU!  Recently I read that quote from a Kay Warren Book.  MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.  What is my business since I am unemployed?

FOLLOWING JESUS IS MY BUSINESS!

  That is my job!

   I love the story of Martha and Mary.  I resonate with Martha and her heart.  I too would have been sweeping the floor, baking bread, polishing the pewter etc, etc. SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIX IT.  Jesus was coming for a visit! There were things to be done and Mary needed to be doing something Martha thought.  I think I can almost imagine Martha telling Mary how to get a job!  Martha like me found fix- it to be her job. Fix tangible problems and people!    

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!  There is only one thing worth being concerned about.  Mary has discovered it and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10 41-42

   ONE THING is what HE said.  Only one thing is worth being concerned about.  That is what the Lord spoke to me about today.  Oh Lord, I want to be unemployed from the FIX-IT job!  How I must hurt the ones around me when I take over, control and try to fix-it!  They must feel as if I think they are not capable.  But the real truth is I CAN”T FIX-IT!  There is only one person who can fill the job description of FIX-IT ALL.  I am not God.  I need to stop trying to take over HIS job and get out of HIS way so HE can move.  

My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”

And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

Psalms 27: 8

   So we have all heard the story, and today I am reminded to me a Mary.  That is what the Lord wants. 

Mary sat at the Lords feet, listening to what he taught.

  Luke 10:39

   So today Lord I except this unemployment and SURRENDER MY FIX-IT JOB to you.  I do love resting at your feet.  I do treasure what you teach me.  I desire your refreshment and peace.  I kneel at your feet and worship you.  I know you will fix all and do far better of a job than I could ever do.

The ONE thing I ask of the Lord-

the one thing I seek most-

  is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

 delighting in the Lords perfections and meditating in his temple. 

For he will conceal me there when troubles come;

 he will hide me in his sanctuary. 

Psalms 27: 4-5

I Surrendering The Reaction to Rejection

 and I go to war with my Sword!  

Have you ever experienced rejection?  I am sure each of us can recall a time in life when we felt; dismissed, turned down, felt useless.  Depending on who the rejection comes from, it can be easier or harder to get beyond and move though.  However if you have been rejected by someone you love it can be unbearable piercing pain. THERE IS NOTHING MORE PAINFUL THAN A LOVED ONE THAT WITHHOLDS LOVE AND REJECTS YOU.  OUCH!

   Christ has suffered all and knows how we feel.  He suffered rejection from His own people.  “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.”  He loved them.  His heart must have desired, hungered and yearned to be accepted by them.  He was rejected by his own brothers. Christ experienced rejection.

    Last night in my prayer time I was able to understand, that was what I was feeling! REJECTION.  God began to communicate to me how a lifetime of feeling rejected has weighed me down!  It wasn't REJECTION that had a grip on me.  It is my REACTION to the REJECTION that was holding me captive!

   The background is years of “feeling” rejected.  Whether I truly was rejected or it “FELT” like rejection doesn't matter.  In my heart I began to keep a list of rejections, and it all added up to MY LACK OF WORTH. 

   Numerous times I have been rejected (LOVE WITHHELD by LOVED ONES).   Thankfully my mother did not believe in abortion due to the fact I was an accident.  I was never really wanted and told many times of my inconvenience to her; Rejection. Ouch!  Later in life I was told I was no longer wanted in the family and was out of the “family will”.  Rejection; Ouch!  Then I add on divorce; Rejection. Ouch!  Probably the most painful rejection we can experience is from our children. You love, feed, nurture, cheer lead  build memories and hopes for the future, do the best you know at the time.  You greatly fail them and then they reject you. The biggest OUCH!  We are talking REJECTION (Withheld love- don’t want to see or speak to you rejection). OUCH!

   Here is my confession of the REACTION TO THE REJECTION.  I became a hostage to those thoughts.  Hear my thoughts; “You must be no good”, “What good is there in you?”, “If your very own family would disown you, you must be worthless”, “You can’t do anything right”.  Do you hear how the enemy himself took my mind captive and used my pain to further his cause?  I would even stand in the mirror and tell myself how worthless I was.  I would hit and beat myself calling myself stupid and worthless! I would starve myself because I was so hungry for love and acceptance!! We are as sick as our secrets and that is where the enemy wants you! SICK.  Do you hear how the enemy worked his lies in and through me? I want you to know THAT IS SUCH A LIE!  The biggest lie is to believe our Heavenly Father could not love us.  I played right into the enemy’s hands.

   So how do we fight this battle, this stronghold! How do we overcome the reaction to rejection (the enemy filling my mind with the lies that I am worthless and unlovable)?

    First I know who the enemy of this war is. When I hear his lies I won’t take them in! I don’t want to hear his voice!  He is ugly and he thinks he is strong… but I know someone much stronger.  Second, I know his campaign far too well.  I know his strategy and approach. But now I have a battle plan and more importantly I have the tools to put him in his place!

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor!

Take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6:10-18

   Please read the whole scripture for battle!  Today though, I am focusing on THE SWORD!

   I get this wonderful visual picture of myself holding up the bible and speaking the word of God and the enemy has no choice but to run away with his tail between his legs!  The word of God is TRUTH AND PROMISES TO CONFESS AND FILL OUR MINDS WITH! By filling my mind with His truth, CHRIST renews our minds!

THE TRUTH IS;

THE REJECTED ME

 (and you)

 ARE ACCEPTED

AND CHOSEN!

War is hard work!  You must be brave, vigilant and angry to win!  Every time the enemy fills my head with one of his lies I am going to take a step forward with the SWORD in my hand and SPEAK the truth! Filling my mind and proclaiming the word of God.   

You are a chosen people

The Lord will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name.  For it has pleased the Lord to make you his very own people. 1 Samuel 12:22

HE WILL NOT ABANDON ME, REJECT ME OR DISOWN ME

Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?  Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?  But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!  See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.  Isaiah 49 15-16

BEYOND ANY FORM OF EARTHLY LOVE!

With my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.  Let all that I am praise the Lord’ may I never forget the good things he does for me.  He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.  He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.  Psalms 103: 1-4

HE CROWNS ME WITH LOVE! HE LOVES ME!

You call me by name.   Isaiah 45:3

HE KNOWS MY NAME

You never leave me or forsake me.   Deut. 31:6

HE WON’T ABANDON ME!

   On and On His word is wonderfully filled with the promises of HIS CONTINUAL, NEVER LEAVING LOVE PROMISES! I AM HIS CHOSEN DAUGHTER; HE WILL NOT LEAVE ME OR REJECT ME.  HIS LOVE IS UNFAILING!  I am on a journey to fill my heart with HIS ACCEPTANCE.     

THE LORD WILL NOT REJECT HIS PEOPLE; HE WILL NOT ABANDON HIS SPECIAL POSSESSION

Psalms 93:14

  

  

SURRENDERING 

ALL MY CARES AND BURDENS

FOR A EXTENDED 

THANKSGIVING

I cast all my cares upon you

I lay all of my burdens down at your feet

Anytime I don’t know what to do

I will cast all my cares upon you.

   We live in vision of our local Mall.  It was not even 9pm and the Mall parking lot was full.  With the turkey consumed and pie inhaled people moved from one holiday to another. A community went from THANKSGIVING to GREED in less than a few hours. How sad. How does BLACK FRIDAY happen before it is even Friday?

  My head hit the pillow and I was still FULL OF THANKSGIVING and full from Thanksgiving.  I had managed to survive the day and even felt gratefulness in my heart.

  As Thanksgiving approached, I prepared by CASTING ALL MY CARES UPON HIM. I was aware I would feel moments of loneliness, sadness and loss.  I would be tempted to take on depression and focus on adversity.  Do I feel like SURRENDERING IT?  No, it is a choice.  With broken family relationships and scattered miles I chose to focus on THANKFULNESS instead of the adversities.  I made a choice to not focus on the grey that only darkens the mind. The Sacrifice of Thanksgiving.

I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving

 And call on the name of the Lord

Psalm 116:17

   Then, something so wonderful happened in the morning that anything else was immaterial!

   I took my daughter out for a “Thanksgiving cup of hot spiced caramel cider”. I was looking forward to spending a few minuets with her.  We would not be sharing the traditional dinner together and I know we both were missing family.  We sat talking and sipping.  It was a sweet time.  We shared joy and hurts and hopes.  As I dropped her off to say goodbye she took my hand.  She didn't ask.  It was an unexpected move of the spirit and sacrifice of thanksgiving.  If you were to know this young woman’s life, her pain, her loss, her struggle, you would be amazed, speechless and in admiration.  She took my hand and prayed for me.  SHE PRAYED FOR ME.  She prayed in simplicity for peace, joy and thankfulness.  Then I was able to pray for her.  I was amazed how God gave us both just the right words in such a spontaneous precious moment like this.  HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD.  To bring us to this moment of time when we could call on him and cast our cares on him and give thanks at the same time!  It was a moment I will never forget and always treasure!

   As my head hit the pillow, it wasn't the turkey and pie or the noisy family table card game that filled my mind.  It was those few moments in a cold little car as she took my hand that filled my Thanksgiving heart. 

   It was 8am BLACK FRIDAY, the next morning and my eyes peered out at the same Mall parking lot, fuller than before when the phone rang.  It was my daughter, “Mom, can you come help me I am really sick.  Something is wrong”. 

   We spent the day in doctor office, with tests, blood work, and shots.  No answers and waiting on test as I took her home and tucked her into bed.  At 8pm her eyes filled with tears in pain I made a call to the doctor.  He advised me to take her to the hospital.

    I stood by her in the hospital bed.  I looked down at her slender body and felt numb and helpless.  I questioned in my mind, how does this happen?  How does a sweet young lady become an addict?  What makes her one day decide to put a needle in her arm?  Why?

   I wondered if this could this pain tonight could be part of her detox. Is her body rejecting that she doesn't have the drug in her?  She had just been in a detox unit and has been clean for two weeks.  Unless, has she used again?  Yet, this was nothing like any previous detox. My mind raced.  My mind went back to the prayer in the car.  No, she was clean, clear headed, and sincere in heart and mind.  I was saddened that addiction leads to questioning physical pain and honesty. 

   I kept reinforcing to the doctors and nurses that she could have no addicting pain relievers, she was a recovering addict.  Do you know what it is like for a mother to have to say those words in an emergency room!  To my thankfulness the help we received in that room was full of support, encouragement and praise.  No judgments.

     After many tests, blood work, x-rays and safe pain relievers, she was comfortable enough now to go home and go to sleep.

   BLACK FRIDAY comes to an end as we leave the hospital at midnight.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

   My head hits the pillow once again and still THANKSGIVING in my heart. Thankful she is alive.  Thankful she had wonderful understanding caregivers.  Thankful what was ruled out.  Thankful for hope, peace and a new day tomorrow, Thankful God has a plan.  Thankful He is sovereign.  Thankful my daughter is learning to SURRENDER TO HIM. I am Thankful for her soft heart. I am Thankful she is my daughter. I am Thankful God uses everything in our lives if we INVITE HIM IN. I am Thankful nothing is impossible with HIM.

There is MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR! I have seen my God at work.  I have seen Him be true to his promises.  I know what to do with the anxiety about the unknown test results and the unknown tomorrows. I SURRENDER MY CARES! 

 

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

1Peter 5:7

Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Psalms 55:22