I SURRENDER MY GRASPING HANDS

 FOR HOLDING HIS HAND 

 If truth be told I have had a difficult time getting out of bed the past few days.

 I don’t even want to write.

 I force myself to get up, shower, devotions and prayer,

 and then on to what ever I can fill my day with

 so I don’t have to think about the gloom I am feeling.

  It is one of those situations that I can do absolutely nothing about. 

I have no control.

  It is a situation that is painful, frightening, infuriating and sorrowful.

Did I mention I have no control over the situation?  

You know how I hate that!

 I can’t; help, challenge, 

             encourage, motivate and change…

CONTROL.

 I feel empty. 

Grasping for something I can do to change the situation.

   This morning it did not help when I open my devotion book and read; Slow down and cling tightly to MY hand.  I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.  I believe I audibly said, “Da”…”Do you think?”…”well hello”!!

   I have spent the last months in devotion and prayer to strengthen my belief regarding; SEEKING HIS FACE, SEEKING HIS PEACE, SEEKING HIS PRESENCE, and BRINGING HIM MY WEAKNESS MY PAIN AND HURT.  I have vocally confessed; HE IS MY STRENGTH, SHIELD, PROTECTOR, DEFENDER, and RESCUER. Yet today, I feel weak, lost and saddened.

   I know…I know!  You are going to say AGAIN!  REALLY AGAIN!

   Let’s be honest.  You have those days or seasons too!  Why is it as Christians we are afraid we will be judged as not very good Christians if we are simply honest with where we are spiritually at? Did we really think as we started the journey walking with Christ it would be a rose garden.  WELL YES!  I was young and naive!      

 Frankly I have to be honest!  I realize without being real, how would those who really care about me know how to pray and lift me up.  I recognize the value and need of my brothers and sisters in Christ sharing my burdens!  I know my family in Christ has given me strength in days when I had none. If I had not been honest with my need, how would they know how to help?

Don’t just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.  Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.  Rejoice in our confident hope.  Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.

 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help.

  Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Romans 12: 9-12

   

So encourage each other with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:18

   The community of Christ is not perfect.  We are human and make mistakes. We are on a learning journey to become dependent and become like our Savior.  We should come to the realization of our great need for one another.  God created us to be in relationship, fellowship and covenant with one another.

  When you hold my heart 

you are the hand of God.

 HIS INSTRUMENT.  

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ?

  Any comfort from his love? 

Any fellowship together in the Spirit?

 Are your hearts tender and compassionate?

 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other,

 loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

Philippians 2:1-2

   I find great comfort in knowing I have a family of believers I can be real with.  That I can say, “I am having one of those days”.  I can ask for prayer and encouragement.  That they can CONFESS HIS PROMISES, PRAY AND LISTEN.

   God gives us all the tools to help us in our time of need; THE WORD, THE HOLY SPIRIT, DEVOTIONS AND A FAMILY OF FAITH. I am so thankful for each.  So when I feel like I am still flopping around in the wavy waters I can cry out and find help.

   Back to my morning devotion (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) When my focus turns away from HIM I grasp..grasp to control and grasp for other things.  LIFTING UP EMPTY HANDS TO HIM. I CLING TIGHTLY TO HIS HAND.  When I hold His hand HE is Present. I return to HIM, calling out, “JESUS JESUS JESUS”, and I regain my sense of HIS PRESENCE.

Then Jesus said,

“Come to me,

 all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,

 and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I SURRENDER THE SEASON OF REGRETS

AND SEE MY REALITY IS HIS MERCY IN DISGUISE!

There have been many mornings over the past week when I thought of blogging.  Honestly, I wasn't sure if it was the grey, tiring month of January, or just feeling spiritually dry I had nothing to share. I made a decision not to blog if I don’t feel like it. I am not really a "Depressed" person. I find I blog when God is teaching me lessons through difficult times. Usually, like last night, I awake and can’t sleep.  Something is on my heart.  God begins to speak to me of a work he is trying to do.  That is when I usually write.

  In the past few mornings of devotion time I had actually felt a lack of peace and direction.  I even heard that awful voice that comes in to torture and depress….you know that one?  The one that say’s, “It is your entire fault”, “If only you had____________.”  Oh the month of January.  The winter season of life has come again.

   We all can fill in the blank with regrets.  Things that we have done, choices we made that have natural consequences that seem to change the course of our life. Remember the word; SEEMED.  I want to get back to that later.  My list is long; What if: There was never a divorce, What if; I had been a better mother, what if I had had chosen a long time career path and had years of work experience, What if; I had saved better for my future, What if: I never, What if; I had, What if…What if …What if?

   I can spend days emotionally beating myself.  Why do we (I), think it will help to visit regrets? Why do we feel it is important to punish ourselves over and over?  Someone should hurt over this mess! 

Two things have occurred to me;

1. There is nothing I can do about the past.  Acknowledge it happened, learn from it, seek forgiveness and then forgive self.
2. Accept my reality.

   Neither of these two things is easy!

   For me I believe it is harder to accept my reality.  We all have our dreams of how it will be.  It is stuck in my mind.  The dream, the plan, the desires, wishes. FILL IN THE BLANK________.  I dreamed of a long marriage, I dreamed of adult children I would have relationship with, I dreamed of sweet grand babies to hold, I dreamed of financial security, job security.  Normal dreams that are not my reality. And the evil voice torments me AGAIN with, “It is your fault”, “if only you would have”.   

   ACKNOWLEDGE --------------------à ACCEPT REALITY

   It is the in-between; the --------------- that I don’t know how to do.  I understand the goal and want to get there!  I want to accept my reality.  I just don’t know how to get there.  What does that really look like?  It looks and feels painful.  Like a death.  Well it is a death and relearning how to live and create a new reality and be at peace with it.

   The ‘in-between’ is the realization that no one cares if I beat myself up over the past.  I only hurt myself.  I guess I honestly thought if someone would see my grief, could physically see my emotional grief it could and would change outcomes. I know it is a bit of insane thinking!     

   The honest steps of the ----------------à (in-between) look like this to me.  I hope this helps me and you if you are stuck today in the winter season of regrets and what if’s.

·        Every day acknowledge gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for!  I acknowledge that even though life has not what I dreamed, that GOD has with out a doubt walked with me, saved me, guided me, taught me, rescued me, sheltered me, transformed me.  With out a doubt! Look at the good in life.  Look at HIS provision, care and gifts.

There is no one like the God of Israel.  He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor.  The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you.

 Deuteronomy 33:26-27

·        Plan new dreams.  Life has to move on.  You will do no good and be of no good in this life if you don’t move forward.  God has a purpose in you to fulfill.  If I allow the enemy to torment me and I stay in that place, I will be of no good to the work HE has purposed for me.  I physically and emotionally attach myself to loving people who may not be blood family, but fulfill my family needs of love and belonging.  Not a ‘replacement’, but a fulfillment of a need. Still not easy, but trying to plan new dreams. Examples; Helping a young friend with her wedding (because I was not able to even attend my daughters wedding), or holding a baby, babysitting a baby from a young mom at church, Volunteer.  I am beginning to find “family”. Planning for dinners or lunches with people around the table.  It looks different and it is different.  But it is my reality.

I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.  “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you, “says the Lord.

 “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.

 Jeremiah 29:11-14

·        Plan days of hurt. Honestly, there will be days when the nasty voice comes in, or you just hurt.  We are human.  God know the pain. Honestly I desperately need HIM in those days.  I get on my knees and cry out in honesty to Him.  He already knows it hurts.  He is waiting there to hold us. He is waiting to comfort us.  That is a much better plan then listening to that ugly mans voice and betting myself up.  The great comforter waits to hear our cries.

·        Plan days of hope. HERE IS WHERE THE ‘SEEMS’ COMES BACK TO ME.  There are days where it ‘seems’ like there is no hope; it ‘seems’ like this is the way it will always be. Plan days, moments in prayerful hope of restored dreams.  I confess, I have seen and I believe my GOD is SOVEREIGN!  What seems to be may not really be at all.  God is behind the scenes of this story.  Doing a work far greater than we are aware.  He is the director in charge who knows the final lines in the story. It makes me think of that song, Blessings come through raindrops…HIS mercy in disguise.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

 Isaiah 55:8-9

·        Changing my what if’s__________.  What if my greatest disappointments are HIS MERCY in disguise!  The belief that God can use anything, ANYTHING in our lives to glorify Him.  I begin to say, “What if this is God’s mercy in disguise.  How exciting is that! 

I hold HIS hand in trust,

I yield to the director’s creative work

 He is guiding,

showing me,

 step by step.

He has a plan.

You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  I desire you more than anything on earth.  My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever

Psalm 73; 23-26

Surrendering my outward appearance

 For inward beauty

And

HIS Certain Love

The other day out of sheer boredom my husband and I took a walk through our Mall.  I must tell you we rarely do this.  We try to live within our means and try to prevent the temptations of worldly goods.  Each store shouting you must have this or that and how could you even live without that gadget?

   So I found this device that really would be handy!  As my “mature” eyes are changing, I find it a wee more difficult to really see what I am doing when I put on my make up.  Ok gals, you know what I am talking about plucking eyebrows, putting on mascara and such.  There it was a magnified mirror.  Now I have seen magnified mirrors before but this was SCARY!  It must have magnified 3X the normal amount!!  There stared back at me everything I did not want to see!  Oh yes, I saw the eyebrows that needed plucked.  I inspected my crooked eyeliner application.  I observed spots, hairs, wrinkles and WRINKLES I never knew I had…and frankly would like to still be living in my little denial world!  The day’s outing became a nightmare I would like to forget.

   Is that really what I look like? Is that how people see me?  What do people really see?  These are all questions I began to ponder.  As if it really should matter.

  

The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them.

 People judge by outward appearance,

 but the Lord looks at the heart

1 Samuel 16:7

   As a few days have passed and I have given more thought about the mirror, what is seen and what is unseen.  Such a simple lesson that reminded me and made me eternally thankful!  Nothing, Nothing I can do or not do can separate me from HIS presence. 

   No make up, clothing or even phony smile hides my heart from God.  No touch-up on my appearance matters to Him.  He sees straight through me, right to my heart. WHY WOULD I WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY!?

   What relief that brings.  I am totally naked, all known, no pretense…I AM FULLY UNDERSTOOD.  I breathe that thought in deep.  I am entirely, completely, altogether totally understood.  I am grateful beyond words! Nothing I can do or not do, separates me from His presence. 

I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

   Now take in that verse!  I am going to come back to it in a minuet. 

   On Sunday at church our pastor was talking about sin in our life.  Those nagging sins that we keep hidden, those same ones we have been working on that keep popping up. I had the AUDACITY to confess to God I wasn't sure I had any.  Well you can better believe HE was ever so good to begin showing me them!  Honestly it is good that He shows me, GENTLY MAGNIFIES THEM IN THE MIRROR, showing me the ugliness of them all!  I accept the ugliness.  I know He shows me so he can teach and correct.  That is Love.  It gives me the confidence to talk to HIM about everything.  I have peace that my relationship with Christ is drenched with grace. He rescues us from ourselves.

He led me to a place of safety;

  He rescued me because he delights in me.

2 Samuel 22:20

  

   This morning in my devotion time I was so touched by His gentle teaching and revealing to me!  He rescues me from the bondage of these continual sins! And HE DELIGHTS IN ME! HE DELIGHTS IN ME! Who am I that the Lord God, Creator of the Universe delights in me.  I am touched.  

  As I shared and confessed to my husband some issues the Lord was working on and correcting me, I did not get the response I would have desired.  Now remember, my husband is handsome, funny, a provider, giving, smart and a great many other things.  Sensitivity is not one of his best qualities and God is not finished with any of us.  I don’t expect him to be perfect.  Only one Man is perfect. However it would have been nice to hear, “Oh you’re not that bad”, or “I will be praying God helps you with that”.  Instead I received the agreement response like, “It’s about time you figured that out”.

   In the past I would have been hurt and devastated by that response. I would have felt unloved.  Today however it brought the point home that ONLY CHRIST FULLY UNDERSTANDS MY HEART. He doesn't see the magnified ugly me.  He see’s His daughter, His Child, His bride. HE knows my heart, sees my heart desire to please, change, grow and conform to his image.  What people say, what people think they see outwardly, doesn't matter to me as much as the knowledge that HE FULLY UNDERSTANDS ME.

 When my heart is focused on standing real before him, not ashamed of the lumps, bumps and wrinkles then I am conformed and changed.

        Interestingly when I focus on my heart,

                                then the beauty in my heart shines outwardly!

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

1 Peter 3:3-4

   Now, let’s go back to Romans 8:38  It is the prayer of my heart today that I am CONVINCED (certain, sure, positive, confident, influenced, persuaded, and satisfied) that NOTHING, NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s love. No wrinkles, no ugly hidden sin.  Nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.

I FEEL SO LOVED WRINKLES AND ALL!

HE DELIGHTS IN ME!

Surrendering my Karma thinking for a KIS from Christ!

Yes I said KIS!

   The other day someone treated me poorly and my feelings were hurt.  My daughter in her tender sympathy for me said, “She will have bad Karma…Mom do you believe in Karma”? I don’t believe in Karma and said, “No”, at which she replied me either.  As I tried to give answer to why, I realized I was stumbling.  Do you ever just know that you don’t believe something, and have no definitive answer?   

Let you conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:6

   Honestly there have been times in my life I wondered if I was being “paid back”, that this is my punishment for my actions. Remember me; I am the girl who often takes the blame for everything.  I grew up thinking everything was my fault and I must be bad.

   Remember I have no theology education.  My education is the journey of life and self study.  So let’s KIS (keep it simple).

   First let’s give a definition to Karma; A force generated by a person’s actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate reincarnation and to determine the nature of the person’s next existence-  Merriam Webster Dictionary.

   Need I say more? A force generated by a person would imply that I am more powerful than the Sovereign Creator God. That I could determine my outcome and create a different destination because I want to come back and have a different experience! Really??  There is only one God who can give life and save us from eternal hell.  This definition would imply that my actions ( how much I do, how I do it, who I help, what good I do, what I say right, wrong…good, bad, ugly and all my FAILURES) would determine my outcome!

For all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God.

Romans 3:23

   Sin is universal!  We fail, we all sin, and we all hurt others.

  There is only one action that I know to determine my future existence and there are only two choices of future existence; HEAVEN OR HELL.  No I won’t come back as a dog, cat, bird, baby, person, piano etc… etc.. There are no second chances.  Not in my bible does it talk about recreation, reincarnation, new existence or second chances other than rebirth through Jesus Christ.

Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:15

But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believed on his name

John 1:2

   The difference between believing and receiving is; receiving means to have a personal relationship God. The devil himself believes in God and yet has no place in the Heavenly Kingdom!

   The word “actions” would imply “works”.  Once again the bible clearly states we are not saved by our works.

But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast

Ephesians 2:4-8

   Some (myself included) at times think of Karma as Consequence for our sin. What goes around comes around…NOT TRUE.  Karma is not defined as natural consequences for our actions.  I told my children all through life there are good and bad consequences for EVERYTHING we do.  Even though we may have painful consequences from actions, poor choices or sin, it does not determine my final home!  The good news is our heavenly father does discipline us! Just as we discipline our children so they would make better choices.

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Hebrews 12:5-6

     Perhaps you are like me and have day’s you beat yourself up for poor choices, failures and sin.  You have days when you feel you deserve this because of something you have done?  Stop that!!!  If you are His child, and I am, we are free from bondage of sin.  He paid the price for our sin! WE ARE FORGIVEN and it has nothing to do with Karma!

   Karma Shmarma!  KIS (Keep it Simple) the only assurance to life eternal and a perfect life with our Heavenly Father is having a personal relationship with Him.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come into him and he with me.

Revelations 3:20

For the wages of sin is death; but the Gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 6:23

  Finally, let’s not forget that we don’t wish evil or…”bad Karma on those who hurt us.  Or what goes around comes around.  Don’t wish evil on others.  Christ would want all saved.  This is hard when someone has hurt you.  I know! The hardest prayer is to pray for those who have hurt you!  I have a few on my list right now!  It is hard to pray for the man that is using your daughter, it is hard to pray for the drug dealer in the high schools, it is hard to pray for the loved one that disrespects you.  I understand.  But that is what Christ tells us to do. 

But I tell you; Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.  He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends fain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?  Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:44-48

KIS

A perfect way to end my Karma thoughts with a KIS from Christ!

Keep it Simple!

THE GOOD NEWS is He died to free us from karma thinking.

In relationship with Him,

we have the HOPE OF ETERNAL LIFE!

Love your enemies and be like Christ!