SURRENDERING MY EMPTINESS FOR DEPENDENCE

   I awake this morning with such a feeling of BARRENNESS; 

 inhospitable  deserted, unfruitful, bleakness, emptiness.

   I know there are people in the world that are going through such devastation.  As tears and prayers flow for those of Sandy Hook Elementary School. I know you are with me as we think of their grief. 

   Every where I look around today I see hurting people.  The homeless on the street corner, the addict in front of the meeting center, the women and children at the homeless shelter.  There is so much pain in the world.  Christmas takes no holiday from personal struggle, pain and grief.

   I feel guilty as I struggle with my own grief. Personal grief is real.  No matter how much tell yourself, “at least you did not loose a loved one in a horrible day of senseless shooting”; our personal grief is real and painful to us.  Yes, sometimes we can strengthen our gratitude with the realization that someone else has it for worse. There are also seasons of FACING YOUR GRIEF.  By facing the emptiness, crying out in DEPENDENCE, you begin being filled with HIS fullness.

   All weekend long I was surrounded by my husband’s family.  At one count there were 9 family members around the table. I was busy with food preparations, cleaning up dishes, making coffee, making more coffee. My husband I have been married a short five years.  As I listen to conversations around the table I begin to feel like an outsider.  Most conversations are in remembrances of times before me. All wonderful people, and yet I begin to feel alone and empty and soon become inhospitable. Now I am hurt and embarrassed about my harsh, uncongenial attitude. I was so ugly human in the middle of my emptiness.  I was filled with anxiety, poor attitude, critical spirit and anger.  What I really wanted and longed for was my family!  

   My family, my children, are scattered in other locations.  Every year when you hear that holiday song that says, “Next year all our troubles will be far away”, I think; that is what you sang last year and the year before.  This holiday season, like so many over the past five years I will not be able to see them. I have lengthy painful stories that go with the loneliness.  I have a granddaughter that I have never been able to hug, a son-in-law that I want to get to know, another daughter and new baby I want to scoop up and protect from a bad relationship.  Life hurts.  Christmas hurts. I know I am not alone.

The world screams GATHER AROUND THE TABLE, FAMILY, and TOGETHERNESS.

I am reminded today of once again the one and only reason for the season.

For God said, “Let there be light in the darkness

has made his light shine in our hearts

 so we could know the glory of God

 that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:6

  There is no doubt my gratefulness for the baby that was born!  So when I feel such EMPTINESS, I must reach out for DEPENDENCE.

IT IS A PERFECT DAY TO DEPEND ON HIM!

It is one of those days when it is ok to cry and say, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS PLEASE HELP. I UNDERSTAND MY TOTAL DEPENDENCE IS ON YOU.

   He never promised life or Christmas would be pain free, joyful, and without trials. He did promise He would walk with, comfort and strengthen us in the midst of our sorrows.

  

And in Him you have been made complete

Colossians 2:10

   I long for HIS presence in dark times of adversity. My Hope is in heaven and His promises.  This is our temporary home.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.  “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Matthew 5:3-8

I know that JOY and PEACE can be found in the midst of our grief and sorrow.  I find it when I have total  DEPENDENCE on HIM.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on thee;

because he trusteth  thee.

Isaiah 26:3

When doubts filled my mind,

 your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

Psalm 94:19

There is no sin in feeling empty, discouraged, and inhospitable, lonely and blue during the Christmas season.  We live in a hurting fallen world.  But I take GREAT JOY knowing I can DEPEND on my Savior to comfort my pain and grief and teach me through my human sinful behavior. 

Without my DEPENDENCE on him there would be no HOPE.  

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord!

Psalms 150:6